On Staying in One Place

As finals approach ever more quickly I can’t help but start to think about how these were almost the FINAL finals of my undergraduate career. I had every intention of finishing college in four years. I had never really wanted to go in the first place and I probably have better things to be doing (like inventing new cupcakes or rereading the Aubrey/Maturin series or something). I applied to MFA programs last fall with the hope of forever leaving behind the “undergrad experience.” I unfortunately applied in poetry (I’m still thinking through what exactly compelled my stupidity that time). And while I was accepted to a program I kept thinking about it. About the act of going for something I really wasn’t sure I wanted (MFA programs aren’t like ice cream where if you pick orange sherbet but actually deep down wanted mint-chip cookie, you still think what the hell, it’s still sweet and cold…). So, when my poetry MFA program said I could defer for a year, I sort of knew I had made the right choice by deciding not to attend this coming fall. Maybe I won’t get into any fiction programs (in fact, there is a pretty good chance I won’t) but I’ll still have an MFA program waiting with open arms for me either way and I’ll be able to say that at least I tried to follow my heart and go for fiction.

So, anyways, what that long side-note is leading up to is the fact that I’ll be sticking around as an undergrad for one more year (and I recently found out that this makes me a “Super Senior” which has a certain ring to it). This thought is both depressing and also strangely comforting. As much as I’ve hated so much about college (weed-out classes, finals week, bad professors who kill subjects I love, etc, etc).There have been things I’ve really loved. I’ve meet some of my closest friends, I’ve had professors who made me rethink the ways that I read a piece of literature, I’ve done some of the best writing of my life.

And there are also the things I have to look forward to in the coming year: being a part of Women in REDzine which makes me so thrilled and happy and really just jubilant—we have a staff who are so talented and so wonderful that I can’t wait to work with them to create a truly unique and amazing magazine; still getting to have coffee at my favorite café with friends; the chance that one of my best friends in the world might be my roommate next year which just has to equal ultimate awesomeness; a possible visit by one of my oldest friends who I haven’t seen in such a ridiculously long time; the chance to keep improving my writing; and strangely the applying to MFA programs—it’s a headache and a half and it’s annoying and soul crushing but the chance that I might get to go to an MFA in fiction is a chance that I want to take.

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